_no clue_

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait..

It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like... everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels... empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't? 

But its ironic because that's how I live my life. I smile on the outside, and everyone thinks I'm doing fine but I'm always dying inside, always one step away from the edge you know? I can't be happy to be who I am because I don't know who I am anymore..